


Waiting for You

by flowerrroad



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: 2jae are bffs, A Bit of Fluff, Actor Park Jinyoung (GOT7), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Artist Im Jaebum | JB, Drinking, Emotions, Exes, Falling In Love, Getting Back Together, Internal Conflict, JB's not good at figuring out his feelings, Jackson is annoying, M/M, Making Love, Nightmares, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Smut, Youngjae is the best friend everyone wants, cursing, i love him though, it’s cute though trust me, the other members come out too, this is longer than i thought it’d be
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:33:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28131735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowerrroad/pseuds/flowerrroad
Summary: “How long has it been?”Jinyoung leaned back, taking his warmth away and letting go to drink the rest of his glass down in one motion, and Jaebeom stared at his lips curled around the glass and the trail of his tongue against them as he savored the taste. Jaebeom saw his eyelids flutter when he looked back up and answered.“Two years.”-In which Jinyoung is Jaebeom's ex boyfriend, and a drunk hook up messes with his feelings.
Relationships: Im Jaebum | JB/Park Jinyoung
Comments: 3
Kudos: 68





	1. I. I like the way you look at me (look in my eyes)

**Author's Note:**

> YES i love jjp finally
> 
> i'm trying a different writing style compared to the last one i posted with 2jae lol this is more angsty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title: GOT7 - Aura

Jaebeom couldn’t help the smile on his face when he entered the house party. It was loud and warm from the people inside, the smell of alcohol clouding the air. It’d been a while since he’d been to a party, which was crazy, considering he’d been all over them during college. He wasn’t exactly planning to show up, as he usually prefers to come by after everything’s finished to wish a quiet happy birthday to whoever’s party it was. But BamBam, who was always extra, just _had_ to throw a huge party for his 21st birthday. And of course he wanted drunk, loud Jaebeom there.

BamBam wasn’t even the one that convinced him to come; it was Youngjae.

Jaebeom was always at home; he knew that, and the complaints from his friends to just go out didn’t have any effect on him, but when Youngjae was dragging him out of bed by his ankle and judging his decision to sleep in on a Saturday night of all days, the older felt that he couldn’t refuse this time. He should’ve known when Youngjae offered to pick him up and Jaebeom turned him down since Youngjae showed up anyway. He was mentally regretting making a spare key for Youngjae earlier that year when he woke up, annoyed.

“Please, Youngjae,” he’d grumbled as he sat up while rubbing his eyes, the sheet pooling around his torso. He blinked at Youngjae already in the kitchen cleaning up the remains of Jaebeom’s late dinner. The younger was rambling something about how messy Jaebeom lived before he suddenly exclaimed over the clatter of dishes, making Jaebeom roll his eyes.

“I’m not letting you stay in here for another week. Whatever happened to ‘super sexy, dances on tables, drunk Jaebeom’? Besides, it’s BamBam’s party. When was the last time you saw him and the guys?”

Jaebeom had opened his mouth to argue, but Youngjae cut him off with an “except me,” which the older couldn’t really fight against.

He really did have work to do, finding himself unwilling to do anything, eventually showering and getting dressed with complaints from Youngjae asking him when the last time he went out was as he struggled to push him out of bed. Youngjae knew him the best, knowing that Jaebeom liked to spend time holed up in his apartment studio, working on art projects or organizing photographs. So, in a way, he knew Jaebeom needed this.

And it was nice after a while, he guesses. It was definitely different from being home alone, gentle R&B playing in his ears as he spread out on his living room floor playing with his cats. Now, it was heavy rap music vibrating the floor while Jaebeom tried to find a way out of the crowds of people. He was at least glad for the alcohol. He wasn’t a stranger to the effects of it, helping him loosen up and socialize. He ended up meeting old friends he hadn’t seen in a long time, catching up with their stories. A lot of them commented on how long Jaebeom’s hair had gotten, all the way down to his shoulders, as well as the new piercings he’d put on his face not long ago. He was currently caught up in a conversation with Mark, one of his oldest friends he hadn’t seen in a while.

“What do you do now, Jaebeom?”

“Oh, I’m preparing for an exhibition. I haven’t set out a place or anything yet, but I have a lot of things ready for it. How was America?”

For a while, they spoke, Jaebeom listening intently to his story. It felt good to catch up with friends; he’d barely gone out to see any of them recently. Instead of keeping everything to himself, he felt a bit relieved to tell Mark about his exhibition and how difficult it was to make it happen.

“You better let me know when you have it ready,” Mark winked over the glass, “I know your paintings are amazing.”

“Thanks, hyung,” Jaebeom sighed. “It’ll be great to finally show off my projects,” he smiled genuinely before he began talking about what exactly his exhibition was going to be about in a low voice.

He was talking for a few minutes before his mouth stopped making noise. His eyes had dragged along the room while speaking, and they caught on a certain brown head of hair a few feet away from him. He didn’t immediately recognize who it was until he heard the laugh in his ears. The familiarity of it made his throat go dry. He felt himself stiffen when a group of people moved away, giving him a clear view of his face.

Suddenly, he was going to need a lot more alcohol to be here. Honestly, fuck Youngjae for dragging him here.

The other man was laughing, whiskers framing his eyes as his hand came up to cover his mouth. He was impossibly more handsome, standing next to Jackson with perfect posture, fingers elegantly around a glass of wine. His dark, almost black, brown hair was neatly done and fresh, parted in the middle to expose his forehead. Jaebeom could tell he was slightly drunk; the faint traces of makeup on his face did little to hide the pink tint on his round cheeks. It was, unmistakably, his ex-boyfriend.

“Hello? Jaebeom?”

He jumped suddenly, his eyes forcibly going back to his confused, yet concerned, friend in front of him. “Hey, I’ll-I’ll catch up later, okay? I just realized I forgot… something,” he managed, not even looking at him directly before he was moving away, his eyes glancing back to where he was looking previously.

“Jinyoung-ah!” Jackson had shouted, wrapping his arms around him, but Jinyoung jumped back with an embarrassed laugh.

Jinyoung. _Jinyoung_. He hadn’t thought about that name in years. But it still had his hands shaking when he thought of the man with that name and the history that came with it. It didn’t strike him that he was here for BamBam; Jaebeom had avoided so many parties in the past that they never encountered each other. He didn’t even realize he was staring until Jinyoung was looking around, and they met eyes for a split second before Jaebeom bowed his head and moved away from the crowd. He had turned away quick enough that he wasn’t able to see Jinyoung’s expression, pretending he had gone to get another drink.

Which he did. This time, something stronger.

He was drinking another glass of expensive wine before his head had turned back to where Jinyoung was, Jaebeom not thinking twice about the movement as they were meeting eyes again.

It sent a chill down his spine at the way Jinyoung stared at him. There was no expression; no anger, no surprise, nor fear. Jaebeom knew that look, but he was struggling to read what it meant. It might’ve been the alcohol that was steadily making him drunk as he swallowed it down, or the fact that Jaebeom knew Jinyoung was studying to be an actor, making it easy to conceal his expressions from him.

When Jaebeom blinked, Jinyoung was gone. He didn’t make an effort to look around since his mind was reeling at that point, the repressed memories in his head threatening to return. While taking another shot of something stronger, he easily saw a flash of white in the corner of his eye leaving the room. The body was familiar to his eyes, and Jaebeom didn’t stop himself from instinctively checking out his ass. With a sigh, and barely a second of hesitation, Jaebeom was walking out behind him.

Despite not thinking about it initially, he started thinking of all types of things in his head. What would he even say to him? Would they start fighting? What if Jinyoung wanted to fix things? Or would Jinyoung punch him? Honestly, Jaebeom deserved it, and it’d really be nice to finally have closure. No matter what would happen, he knew it wouldn’t end well. Jaebeom has always attracted bad situations, which is why he didn’t want to show up at all. Fuck Youngjae for making him think this was a good idea.

Leaving the room, he went down a hallway, his eyes on the floor and teeth gnawing his lip as the sounds of the party faded and left his footsteps echoing down the hall. He didn’t even look up when he spotted Jinyoung sitting on the marble staircase. Jaebeom felt heat down his spine as the younger’s head turned his way.

“I knew you’d come and talk to me.”

Jaebeom blinked once, twice, then swallowed and looked up. Jinyoung was smirking at him, and fuck, it sent a flash of arousal down Jaebeom’s spine at the sight of him in all white, leaning back against the steps like was in the middle of shooting a magazine cover. His legs were crossed, hand on his chin as he looked Jaebeom up and down. His voice came out smooth and deep, like he was the main character in a drama. But the voice had another meaning to Jaebeom as it sounded so familiar, and it made his steps uneasy.

“And say what?” Jaebeom replied coolly, taking another sip of the wine in his hands. He’s glad the alcohol gave him the confidence to at least approach him, but really, alcohol and Jinyoung was not a good combination as he already felt the tension between them.

“I didn’t think that far ahead,” Jinyoung answered, looking away for a second and biting his lip before Jaebeom was walking towards him hesitantly, sitting down on a step above him. He could tell it bothered Jinyoung slightly as he stiffened, but Jaebeom was relieved they didn’t start off on an argument. It was weird, seeing him after years, but it was familiar in the way they spoke.

“You look good,” Jaebeom muttered honestly, and Jinyoung turned his body to look at him.

“I know,” he said, grabbing his glass with his perfect fingers and taking a swig of the alcohol. Jaebeom watched his throat bob when he swallowed, and he was getting impossibly turned on even if they were only small talking.

“Did you come here with anyone?” Jaebeom found himself asking without thinking. Alcohol really made all the blood flow to his dick.

“Jackson.” Jinyoung didn’t look up as the word flowed from his mouth easily.

“Are you dating him?”

Jinyoung shook his head. “No, I don’t have a boyfriend. Do you?”

Jaebeom copied his movement, watching Jinyoung’s lip twitch up.

“Girlfriend?”

Jaebeom scoffed, looking away.

“I knew you’d be here. And that’s because I never see you at parties,” Jinyoung explained, leaning forward, and they made eye contact again.

“Is that the reason you came?” Jaebeom asked, but Jinyoung only shrugged in response as his eyes seemed to look Jaebeom up and down again. Jaebeom confessed as he caught Jinyoung’s eye movements on his face, lingering on his cheek piercing, “I didn’t think you’d be here.”

“Why? You think I’m scared of you?” Jinyoung’s eyes snapped up to meet his instantly, and it sent a chill down Jaebeom’s spine as he saw the darkness in the younger’s eyes. He’d drawn that look so much in the past, and seeing it in real life after years made him want to do it again.

“Maybe,” Jaebeom smirked, and he didn’t miss the way Jinyoung glanced down to his lips before he drank the rest of his glass. He was considerably drunk now, blinking his eyes to focus on the body in front of him.

Jinyoung stayed quiet for a few seconds, and it made Jaebeom panic before the younger opened his mouth, a hazy look in his eyes. He looked like he drank more than Jaebeom at this point, and his voice was gentle yet dangerous when he spoke. “I don’t know if it’s because I’m drunk, but, if you’re trying to flirt with me, it’s working.”

Jaebeom felt another wave of arousal, making his legs shake. Jinyoung shifted to spread his legs slightly, and Jaebeom was looking down at the very obvious tent in Jinyoung’s pants, feeling his face heat up at the sight of it.

“My eyes are up here,” Jinyoung interrupted, putting a finger under his chin to make Jaebeom meet his eyes, and suddenly they were so close, Jaebeom feeling Jinyoung’s warm exhales against his face. He didn’t react as the younger’s hand was moving up to touch the piercings on his cheek. His hand was warm and soft where he tapped the metal balls.

“Pretty,” Jinyoung whispered, and his mouth opened to ask another question before Jaebeom interrupted him. It was driving him crazy, how sudden this was. The alcohol didn’t stop him from bringing up their past, even though he wished it did.

“How long has it been?”

Jinyoung leaned back, taking his warmth away and letting go to drink the rest of his glass down in one motion, and Jaebeom stared at his lips curled around the glass and the trail of his tongue against them as he savored the taste. Jaebeom saw his eyelids flutter when he looked back up and answered.

“Two years.”

“That’s too long,” Jaebeom whispered, and barely a second passed before Jinyoung was lunging at him, Jaebeom cringing at his knee hitting his crotch before Jinyoung’s mouth was against his, moving desperately. All Jaebeom could taste was the wine, both of their mouths stained with it, but as he deepened the kiss, his tongue making its way inside his mouth, his hands shook as the taste became familiar. Jinyoung’s hands were pulling at Jaebeom’s long strands of hair, tugging gently and roughly when Jaebeom began biting his lips. Jaebeom wanted him closer, fisting his shirt and bringing him to his lap, Jinyoung barely pulling away from his mouth as their hips met on the staircase. The older’s hands traveled down to grab his ass, and Jinyoung gasped, his mouth moving away as he threw his head back, his hips grinding up against Jaebeom’s. Jaebeom licked his lips when he met Jinyoung’s eyes, hazy and filled with lust.

“I could fuck you right here,” Jaebeom whispered, dirty and harsh when he leaned forward and breathed the words against Jinyoung’s warm neck.

Jinyoung groaned in response, the sound echoing up the stairs, and he said quietly in between gasps, “No. A room - let’s find…a room.”

Jaebeom leaned back, knocking Jinyoung off balance as the younger grabbed onto his shoulders to keep from falling, and his voice was weak when he spoke. “We can’t here. Not at Bam’s.”

“Then take me somewhere. I need it. I need you,” Jinyoung begged, his hands moving closer to grab his neck before latching his mouth right above them. Jaebeom closed his eyes as he took in the feeling of Jinyoung’s tongue against his jaw, reaching into his pocket to feel for his car keys. The sound of them snapped Jinyoung out of it as he leaned back and met his eyes with a smile.

Jaebeom surprised Jinyoung as he got up suddenly, grabbing his hand and tugging him towards a back door, casting a glance around to make sure no one was watching them. Jinyoung leaned against him, and the older could feel him sway slightly, remembering how drunk they both were. Really, Jaebeom doesn’t know if he’d be in this situation if it weren’t for the alcohol. It was so sudden and so crazy, and drunk Jaebeom loved it.

The night’s cold hit them suddenly, Jaebeom hissing while Jinyoung shivered next to him. They stumbled together, Jinyoung giggling as he pushed Jaebeom slightly to make him go faster, the older pinching his ass in response. He squealed loudly, and Jaebeom burst out laughing, his breath visible in the air as his nose became numb. It reminded him of when they would sneak out of the dorms at college just to go get midnight coffee, and he remembers Jinyoung’s young face, his cheeks cold when he cupped them to kiss his freezing lips. Jaebeom shook his head to get rid of the memory, brought back to where he was now going to have drunk sex with him after not seeing each other for years. Yeah, it was absolutely crazy.

Jaebeom was glad Youngjae parked so close to the house so they didn’t have to walk much, yet it was becoming difficult to drag Jinyoung next to him as he was opening the driver's seat door to turn on the heater in the car. Really, he was just going to turn it on so they could hop into the backseat, but Jinyoung was already climbing into his lap as the car turned on. “Jinyoung-”

But he was cut off with a groan as the younger palmed him roughly, settling himself comfortably against the steering wheel even though it was a very tight space for him. Jaebeom managed to close the door as he turned the heater on after feeling Jinyoung’s freezing cheek against his when the younger’s mouth latched onto his neck, wet and warm.

“This is your car?” Jinyoung mumbled, pressing kisses against his jaw, and Jaebeom sighed, tilting his head back.

“Mine and Youngjae’s,” Jaebeom closed his eyes. In reality, this was actually Youngjae’s car, letting Jaebeom borrow it from time to time. The older man didn't see a point in buying a car he barely used since he was always at home, and he didn’t mind using buses, either. If anything, he liked to admire the people there, and he remembered when he used to ride buses with Jinyoung during their college years. He recalled, exactly, how Jinyoung would yawn and sleep on his shoulder every single morning before their class started and every single afternoon when they would go back to their shared apartment. He remembers the annoyance he felt when Jackson and Youngjae would tease him, knowing that Jaebeom was crushing on Jinyoung at the time. The memory made a bitter taste in his mouth as it sank in once more that they broke up two years ago, and they were suddenly hooking up in his best friend’s car. He pushed it to the back of his mind and away for later as Jinyoung got impatient and started biting at his neck to make Jaebeom touch him.

“Jinyoung, is this okay?” Jaebeom found himself asking, suddenly unsure if they wanted to do this. He really didn’t want to force him to do anything, especially since he expected Jinyoung to slap him, not fuck him.

Jinyoung moved back in an instant, his eyes wide and a bit annoyed. “Are you seriously asking me that when I made out with you on the staircase?”

“I just wanted-”

The younger groaned, his hands coming up to slide down his face in frustration. “Just get inside me already, Jaebeom.”

At the sound of his name, Jaebeom didn’t hesitate in grabbing Jinyoung by his forearm and tugging him forward while moving the seat all the way down, the younger yelping as he was suddenly on top of him. Jinyoung laughed, loud and drunk, and Jaebeom could feel the warm and heavy pants of air against his face before he was attacking his neck again, the older man’s hands sliding down Jinyoung’s form, from his shoulders down to his torso to his ass, gripping it roughly and making Jinyoung bite down on his collarbone.

“You’re going to leave marks,” Jaebeom complained softly, but Jinyoung bit harder in response.

“Good,” he breathed, swirling his tongue along the mark he made and making Jaebeom shiver. He could tell how Jinyoung was swaying again, his skin almost burning with warmth instead of cold.

“How much did you drink?” Jaebeom found himself asking.

Jinyoung smirked and moved back to meet his eyes once more and unbutton his pants. “Enough for me to do this.”

Jaebeom couldn’t take his eyes off of him as he slipped out of them, leaving him half naked. His mouth watered at the sight of his perfect, now-exposed thighs, fingers reaching out to touch them before Jinyoung hissed at the contact.

“Your hands are freezing, Jaebeom,” he shivered, yet leaned into the touch, silently asking for him to continue.

“Warm them up, then,” Jaebeom teased, and Jinyoung grabbed his arm to bring his hand to his lips and begin sucking on the digits. He made eye contact as he did this, and giggled when he felt Jaebeom’s dick twitch against his hip very obviously.

Jaebeom took a deep breath before reaching over the dashboard with his other hand to bring out lube and condoms that he’d hidden in here a few months ago without Youngjae noticing. Thankfully, there were still a few left. And still mostly untouched since the last time he grabbed one, which he was glad for. He didn’t really want to know if Youngjae had been stealing any. He came back to see Jinyoung no longer sucking on his fingers but smirking at him.

“Always prepared, huh?”

Jaebeom ignored him as he left the items on his lap before sneaking his fingers inside Jinyoung’s shirt to rake his nails down his skin, and the younger shuddered in response. Jaebeom stopped suddenly, taking his hands away to reach his ears and take his earrings off.

“What?” Jinyoung whined desperately, his eyebrows raising. Jaebeom’s lips twitched to a smile as he realized how cute he was, his plush lips pouting and makeup smudged so his face was tainted pink.

“The last time I had sex,” Jaebeom began to explain, his fingers successfully removing one of the silver rings before they moved to his other ear. “They got stuck in her hair, and it was terrible. I do not want that to happen again.” He was being very honest, not wanting his night to end with them having to call someone to force them apart.

At this, Jinyoung was visibly shocked. “Wait, wait. You had sex with a girl? Since when have you-”

“Since forever. I don’t only like dick, you know,” Jaebeom interrupted, both of his earrings now off as he placed them in the cupholder.

“Ew. All I like is dick,” Jinyoung scrunched his nose up, and Jaebeom almost swooned from how cute the boy in his lap was. The younger impatiently moved once more, his fingers shaking as he unbuckled Jaebeom’s belt, his tongue stuck out in concentration, and Jaebeom leaned his head back in the seat as he saw Jinyoung tear open a condom with his teeth and roll it on him with a cold hand. He then spread lube on his fingers and pumped him, the warmth from Jaebeom’s dick warming up his fingers. Jinyoung shifted, his knees uncomfortably on the seat as he tugged his underwear down excitedly, his dick already hard. Jaebeom caught himself staring, interrupted when Jinyoung was scooting up to reach behind him and grab his cock.

“Wait - you don’t want to prep?” Jaebeom said, worried, placing a hand on Jinyoung’s hip to stop him from sinking down already.

The younger rolled his eyes in response before shrugging. “I can take it.”

“Are you s-”

Jinyoung cut him off as he leaned forward and pressed Jaebeom inside him, letting out an obscene moan as the head entered him easily. Jaebeom bit his lip at the sound, sending a wave of heat down his spine. His worries of hurting Jinyoung were immediately erased as Jinyoung closed his eyes and scrunched his face up in pleasure.

“Oh, my god. You’re bigger than I remember,” Jinyoung breathily whined as he slowly sank himself lower, smiling when he felt Jaebeom twitch inside him. Jaebeom didn’t want to think about how he said ‘I remember’ since they’d had sex in the past. The fact that Jinyoung _knew_ that made something stir inside him, but he focused on the pleasure instead, his mouth opening up to praise him.

“You’re so hot, Jinyoung,” Jaebeom mumbled, his hands resting on Jinyoung’s warm hips when he bottomed out easily, tight around his cock. The younger straightened up, opening his eyes to meet Jaebeom’s. Looking at him, Jaebeom could see his exhales in the air between them, the smoke-like cloud hiding his wide, brown eyes.

“I fucking hate you, you know that, right?” Jinyoung said, his voice breathy but steady.

“Of course I do.” Jaebeom replied almost immediately, and he moaned, throwing his head back when Jinyoung moved himself up and slammed down. Jinyoung choked on a moan, one of his hands coming up to cover his mouth as his face contorted into one of pleasure. Jaebeom reached up to grab his hand away and place it on his chest.

“Don’t try to be quiet, Jinyoung-ah. I want to hear you,” he pushed, and Jinyoung whined, his head falling down on his shoulder as he rolled his hips skillfully.

“Someone will hear us,” Jinyoung breathed against his ear, and Jaebeom growled.

“Fuck that.”

Jinyoung’s entire body shook when Jaebeom grabbed his hips and pushed upwards, the car filled with both of their moans as it heat up quickly. The windows began to fog as he fucked up into Jinyoung’s ass, hissing at the tight squeeze of his muscles.

“Fuck me, fuck me, yes, like that,” Jinyoung repeated, meeting his thrusts as he moved his ass back, Jaebeom angling himself perfectly in the way he knew that made Jinyoung scream. The younger’s nails dug into his shoulder as he leaned back to meet his eyes. “Just like that, Jaebeom.”

Now he was a mess. Jinyoung’s previously perfect hair was all over the place, and his makeup had smudged off, revealing rosy cheeks above his red, spit-slicked lips. His eyes were half-lidded as he bounced with every movement, face scrunching up in pleasure as he bit his lips. Jaebeom didn’t think twice when he moved a hand up to pull Jinyoung down and kiss him. They met messily, a mix of groans as the kiss became wet and hot. Jinyoung’s tongue was making its way into his mouth, and Jaebeom met it hungrily as his mouth opened wider. The older’s hand reached up to tug his hair, pushing him impossibly closer. He felt a twist in his stomach as Jinyoung clawed into his chest, but it was gone as a sudden vibration and loud ringing noise filled the car.

Jaebeom moved back and stopped his thrusts, Jinyoung trying to chase his lips for a second before he groaned in annoyance, his hands coming up to press into his face. He was still breathing hard as he sat back on Jaebeom’s thighs after fishing his phone out from his jeans pocket on the other seat. Jinyoung closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose as he looked at the caller ID and pressed it against his face.

“What?”

“Woah, what’s with the tude?” A voice spoke through, and Jaebeom recognized it as Jackson’s voice, unnecessarily loud. Jaebeom was reminded of how drunk he was combined with how horny he was, so it was weird to suddenly stop what he was doing. His dick was still buried inside Jinyoung, who was obviously annoyed, and Jaebeom looked around to see the car’s windows were already fogged up from the heat radiating off of them, but he still felt cold when Jinyoung moved away and answered his cell phone. “Where are you? One second you’re going to get drinks, then you’re gone. Mino-hyung is here! You have to say hi to him.”

Jaebeom’s hands began roaming up Jinyoung’s torso, and the younger’s hand grabbed his wrist lightly to stop him as he met his eyes, sighing.

“I know. I’ll be there in a second.”

“Are you having stomach issues again? I swear to god I am not- ”

Jaebeom tried not to laugh, bringing his other hand up to hide the smile creeping on his cheeks as Jinyoung flushed more from embarrassment, his face going from pink to red in an instant.

“No! Jackson, I-I’ll be there, okay?”

“Okay, Jinyoungie,” Jackson said cutely, and Jinyoung moved the phone away to end the call before he gasped in surprise when Jaebeom snapped his hips forward in one move. He struggled to end it as he bounced, and Jaebeom could see the signs of annoyance in his face when he realized that Jackson must have heard that.

“Fuck! No patience, huh?” Jinyoung said in a high voice after successfully ending the call, falling down into the seat once more when Jaebeom shoved him forward and began biting at his neck. Jinyoung was considerably warm against his mouth, and he managed to leave a few marks even as the younger was pulling his hair roughly. Jinyoung only matched his movements, his hands tightening on Jaebeom’s shoulder as he moved up and down, whining high in his throat. He shouted when Jaebeom’s hand came up to pump him, flinching at the coldness but leaning into the touch as he spurt precum. The younger’s hand curled around his fist tightly, guiding his hand to stroke up fast.

“I’m gonna come, I’m gonna come, I’m coming, I-” Jinyoung rambled through his moans, his hips moving erratically before he tensed. Jaebeom leaned back to watch as Jinyoung’s eyes squeezed shut, mouth opening wide in a silent scream before he was shuddering with the force of it, his hips rolling up to meet Jaebeom’s hand. He breathed hard after, twitching violently when Jaebeom continued to stroke him, moving his hand away with an annoyed sound.

Jinyoung leaned against him for a second, forehead on his shoulder and breath warm against Jaebeom’s chest. The older ran his hands down his back and up again, feeling the heat off the younger’s body as he recovered slowly. Jinyoung only took a few seconds to catch his breath before he was using Jaebeom’s shoulders to raise himself up and down once more. Jaebeom made a low sound as he leaned his head back again, Jinyoung shifting to suck at his neck and rake his nails down the back of it, which sent shudders of pleasure down his spine. Distantly, he thought about how Jinyoung must have remembered that Jaebeom liked that.

Feeling the tug in his stomach once more, he leaned back, trying to get Jinyoung off of him, and he hopped off without a wince, dropping to his knees and slipping the head of his cock into his mouth after removing the condom. Within a second, Jaebeom was coming hard on his tongue, hands tangled in Jinyoung’s now-sweaty hair. He rode it out as Jinyoung pumped him, their eyes meeting. The younger looked like a whore, hair pushed back and red lips around his dick, tongue swirling to collect every drop. Jaebeom had to look away to avoid getting hard again.

Jinyoung climbed up again and leaned down to connect their mouths. Jaebeom met his lips, and the taste of his own come was bitter against his tongue. It was watery with saliva as it dribbled down into his mouth, and he heard Jinyoung swallow the rest after their shared kiss. The thought hit him again, that this was something they used to do in the past, and Jinyoung remembered. Jinyoung leaned back, smiling when he noticed the string of saliva that connected their lips together. He moved a hand up to brush Jaebeom’s hair out of his sweaty forehead, smoothing it back.

Jaebeom felt like he stopped breathing as he looked up at him, Jinyoung still looking as young as he remembered, a few scars and bumps on his face that he didn’t recognize. The quiet moment instantly faded when the younger stretched to jump into the other seat, gathering his clothes that he’d dropped on the floor of the car. “I haven’t been fucked like that in years.”

Jaebeom scoffed. “You mean since we split?” He asked casually, and he wishes he didn’t see the way Jinyoung stopped for a second as the words sank in. It looked like he snapped out of it as he glanced at him from the side of his face and shrugged in response.

“I have to get back before Jackson starts looking for me. I don’t think he knows I’m with you, though,” Jinyoung spoke out loud, fixing his clothes and hair in the mirror. Jaebeom saw him pout slightly as his hair didn’t seem to stand up the way it was when he walked in. A sudden thought brought Jaebeom back as he realized they were both considerably sober now, their orgasms clearing the drunk haze they were in.

“What does this mean for us?” Jaebeom asked without thinking. Maybe he wasn’t sober enough to stop himself from blurting that out.

“What do you mean?”

“Like, is there still shit between us?” He swallowed nervously now that Jinyoung was staring at him curiously, now fully clothed.

At this, something changed in Jinyoung’s expression. “I think you know the answer to that, Jaebeom,” he replied quietly.

Jaebeom’s eyebrows creased together in confusion. Really, since Jinyoung didn’t attack him when they met and instead kissed him, were they okay now? It seemed so, considering they just made out while sharing Jaebeom’s cum in their mouths after having sex. If anything, it felt like Jinyoung was over their past, forgetting the fights, their fallout, the end of their relationship. For two years, Jaebeom wished he could be like Jinyoung in forgetting it so quickly. All the signs seemed to point that yes, Jinyoung was past everything. “So… we’re good?”

At this, Jinyoung sighed, “I forgot how dumb you can be.” He turned to look at him directly from where he was still adjusting his clothes in the mirror. “No, Jaebeom. Nothing is fixed.”

“Then what was-”

“Sex. It was just sex.” Jinyoung’s voice didn’t raise or lower as it kept the same tone, and Jaebeom forgot just how great of an actor he was to hide the way he actually felt beneath his impassive voice. The way he was avoiding his eyes told Jaebeom he wasn’t telling the whole truth.

“What?” Jaebeom asked him, leaning forward out of his seat as their eyes met once more. Jinyoung seemed expressionless, almost bored. But Jaebeom knew he was hiding his true feelings; it was just impossible to figure out exactly what he was thinking. “But…don’t you remember how it was? It’s different now, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, guess who fucked that up?” Jinyoung suddenly snapped, his eyes widening as his voice raised.

Jaebeom visibly fliched away, but his eyebrow twitched in annoyance. He felt his jaw clench as the pang in his heart didn’t seem to leave. He couldn’t even figure out what he felt at this point, the alcohol in his system affecting his sense of understanding his emotions. His mouth opened up to speak, but Jinyoung saw the movement.

“Stop it, Jaebeom.” He said sternly with a final glare, turning back to check himself in the mirror once more before he opened the door and slammed it shut, leaving Jaebeom alone in the car with the windows still fogged up. Through a section in the window, Jaebeom could see Jinyoung limp slightly on his way back to the house. Huffing, he kicked the dashboard angrily.

He was frustrated at himself, at how he got drunk, how he ended up at this party, how he hooked up with his ex. They didn’t end on a good note, that was something he didn’t dare forget, but the look Jinyoung gave him during sex, desperate, and the passion he poured from his mouth to Jaebeom’s, dripping in lust and longing, made him see things differently. Jaebeom might have been drunk, but he wasn’t a complete stranger to Park Jinyoung. He knew him well to the point where he could see through his acting, but the wall of alcohol over his mind prevented him from seeing what was wrong now.

He opened his eyes to see Jinyoung’s underwear on the seat next to him, a dark, wet patch on the front. Jinyoung was probably at the party now, and his boxers were left in Jaebeom’s car. He breathed out a laugh as he pressed his forehead against the steering wheel and closed his eyes again. There was no way he just fucked his ex and pissed him off on the exact same day. And there was no way said ex managed to forget his underwear in his car. In _Youngjae’s_ car. Fuck this.

Yanking his keys out of the ignition and opening the door to slam it shut when he stepped out, Jaebeom did the one thing he came here for: Drink.

-

Jaebeom’s eyes felt heavy. He was comfortable, laying in a familiar bed wrapped under bundles of blankets that hid him from the cold seeping into the room. His face twitched, tongue poking out to lick his dry lips. Sleeping again sounded so good right now, but the thoughts of last night popped into his mind.

Really, the last thing he remembered was that he was angry. At what? He couldn’t remember, since he drank for the rest of the night. He remembered the smell of sex, the lights from the house, the thrumming of music above his own loud laughter. He remembered feeling happy after a while, the anger settling deep within him to be fixed later. At the thoughts of everything, he felt his head throb. It became unbearable to the point where he couldn’t go back to sleep, blinking open his swollen eyes to meet his ceiling.

At least he managed to make it back to his own bed instead of someplace else, he thought, slowly sitting himself up and scratching the back of his head as he stretched into the coldness of his room. He moved to grab his cell phone on the bedside table before blinking at a glass of water and a note. He snatched it immediately, trying to see if it could help him remember anything else from last night.

_Hyung!_   
_Jackson hyung and I brought you home last night. It was good to see drunk, happy Jaebeom again. Just try not to strip in front of everyone next time~_

Beneath it, there was a drawing of himself. He’d call it ‘detailed,’ when it was just a circle with two lines representing his small eyes and two dots next to them while a smirk was drawn under it. The hair was colored in and long, and Jaebeom felt a smile creep up on his face as he realized it was Youngjae’s work.

His eyes traveled down to the bottom of the paper, moving his thumb away to see the rest of the black ink.

_P.S._   
_Please don’t be mad about Jinyoung hyung. I really didn’t know he’d be there._

Jaebeom’s smile faded instantly. Even the small sad face drawn next to the extra message made him feel even more miserable. It’s not like Youngjae knew what happened, but drunk Jaebeom might have said something about his ex considering how angry he was last night. The throbbing in his head got worse, and he threw the note down on the bed to grab the water and pills left on the table.

He downed them instantly and hopped into the shower, ignoring the faint pressure in his heart that came with last night’s memories.

-

Really, Jaebeom thought he’d be fine.

It’d been a couple of days since the party, and Jaebeom managed to remember everything. It took Youngjae coming over the day after to explain to him what exactly drunk Jaebeom had done at BamBam’s party for the older to remember. Of course, Jaebeom was absolutely mortified that Jackson took videos of him dancing and stripping to send them everywhere, and he vowed to never drink ever again. He stopped the video halfway into where his shirt and belt were coming off, refusing to see what else happened. The thing was, Jaebeom didn’t even recognize himself as he danced so _sexually_ , moving his hips like he was born to do it.

“Was I really that drunk?”

“Seriously, hyung. I don’t know what happened that made you drink so much,” Youngjae said innocently where he was sitting on the couch, Jaebeom on the floor holding his phone in his hand while his cat climbed on top of him. “I haven’t seen that since we were in university.”

Jaebeom had groaned in response, rolling over to his back and ignoring the protests from his cat as she walked away. His mind immediately went to Jinyoung as he thought about the last time he saw him. Since the house wasn’t that big, it was easy to spot Jinyoung from where he was still hanging off Jackson’s shoulder after they hooked up, and Jaebeom faintly remembers when they met eyes during one of his ‘performances,’ especially the dark look Jinyoung gave him when he swayed his hips and unbuttoned his shirt halfway to expose his chest. The marks on his neck were still there, and everyone at the party must’ve known he was with someone before getting on that table, which was probably why Jinyoung looked at him that way. Jaebeom had gotten so into the dance from the cheers around him that he’d forgotten about Jinyoung watching him, and he didn’t see him for the rest of the night. Mostly because the rest of the night was actually a blur, not recalling when Youngjae and Jackson claimed to have dragged him home where he passed out on his bed almost instantly.

He’d covered his eyes and rubbed them, moving the images out of head before he told Youngjae everything, from when they first met eyes across the room to the sound of the car door slamming shut. Youngjae didn’t seem that surprised when Jaebeom mentioned that he brought someone in his car, as he’d found a pair of underwear on the seat when he was driving Jaebeom home, but when he discovered it was Jinyoung’s, he was stunned. He ended up having to stop Jaebeom mid-sentence when he began oversharing about their sex scene, Youngjae’s face blushing furiously.

“Sorry. I just- I remember it so well now, and I can’t stop thinking about it. I need to talk to him.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, hyung.”

But Jaebeom was too stubborn to realize that it really wasn’t a good idea.

He still stayed at home like always, busy working on the projects he needed to get done for his upcoming exhibition. Jaebeom didn’t think he was that affected by his encounter with Jinyoung up until he woke up from a nap to find drawings and sketches of a very familiar pair of dark eyes and plump lips that he drew very realistically. The worst part was that he managed to capture Jinyoung’s dark look of lust in the sketch. He crumpled and threw them away as soon as he saw them, sighing when his cats played with the roll of paper on the carpet. Even in an exhausted state, his mind always returned to him, and he hadn’t had these thoughts until he saw him after two years.

What they’d had was impossible for him to forget. In all of his 26 years of living, he’d never felt anything as strong as what he felt for Park Jinyoung. They weren’t all positive feelings, as it also brought out the worst in him, the love he felt for him sometimes buried deep under his anger. Yet, both emotions were strong and heavy. Jaebeom didn’t realize that what was lacking in all of his past relationships was that the other person wasn’t Jinyoung. He hadn’t fallen in love with anyone ever since they split, and the hook up they had just messed with his feelings. Jinyoung was upset, and Jaebeom, now sober, finally understood why.

It was a mistake. It shouldn’t have happened. They were exes in the past, apart in a silent agreement to never see each other again, and the fact that they met as if they were drunk strangers and had sex in a car was something exes shouldn’t do. He saw the disappointment in Youngjae’s face when he explained it, even if the younger refrained from telling him directly. It was known, by their friends and neighbors, that they used to fight a lot, their relationship always strained from the way they loved and hated each other too much. There were nights where one of them had to sleep in another house because they couldn’t stand being there any longer. It was an inevitable break up after that.

He knew Jinyoung remembered. From the way he touched him that dark night to the way he looked at him, it was as if Jinyoung was brought back from the past. It was so, so familiar, and Jaebeom didn’t want to lie that he missed it more than anything. The want to see him again and fall in love again was in the way he was drawing his eyes and painting them on paper, just to be thrown away in an effort to forget him.

Slipping into bed at midnight, Jaebeom couldn’t sleep. His heart beat quickly as he scrolled deep in his phone’s camera roll to uncover old photos of him and Jinyoung, selfies of them traveling together and pictures of the boy asleep on the couch. There were even some nudes Jaebeom forgot to erase, and he avoided opening them as he continued to scroll. His heart became heavier and heavier until he tore his eyes away, looking up into his ceiling as he willed his heart to slow. Before he knew it, he was remembering the day of their break up.

_“I can’t fucking do this anymore, Jaebeom! It’s too bad for us, for our friends, for our family. It’s impossible for us to be together at this point since you’re too fucking stubborn.”_

_“Shut up, Jinyoung.”_

_“See? You never fucking listen to me! You think this is good for us? You think me waiting for you to come home every single day for you to just bitch about everything in your life is good for me? Wake the fuck up, Jaebeom-ah. When are you going to realize that it’s hard for me to-”_

_But he stopped talking. Jaebeom watched as Jinyoung’s face was scrunched up in frustration, angry tears down his face as his fists clenched with every word he spoke. They’ve been arguing for almost an hour, and both of them were tired. Jinyoung’s eyes were on the floor, breath coming out heavy from where he was biting his lips. Jaebeom heard his own ragged breathing and felt his jaw in a strong clench from the anger thrumming in his veins, completely towards the boy in front of him. He watched Jinyoung intently for anything he was doing, and he knew that this was real. Jinyoung wasn’t acting as his face continued to flush with an ugly grimace he gave Jaebeom. The apartment around them was littered in mess, things thrown yet none of them hurt._

_“Hard for you to do what?” Jaebeom grunted, but Jinyoung didn’t finish after a few seconds. At this rate, his patience was completely lost as he sighed heavily and urged him. “Just spit it out, Jinyoung.”_

_“To keep loving you.”_

_His voice came out quietly, softly, different from their raised voices and yells. Jinyoung’s face relaxed as the words sunk in. His face became expressionless as he looked back into Jaebeom’s eyes. For one of the first times, Jaebeom didn’t know if he was acting or not. Jaebeom felt his fists uncurl as he saw Jinyoung’s shoulders drop in defeat._

_“I don’t love you anymore, Jaebeom.”_

_The words struck Jaebeom hard, but he didn’t show it in front of him. In a haze of anger, he gritted his teeth and spat the same words at him. “I don’t love you either, Jinyoung.”_

_Something changed in Jinyoung’s eyes for a split second before it was gone, and Jaebeom never figured out what that look was._

_“So that’s it?” Jinyoung’s voice came out in a whisper, but Jaebeom didn’t answer him. The younger’s eyes were scanning his face for anything, his eyebrows raised as he waited for him to answer. When he said nothing, he huffed and left the room._

_Even as he heard Jinyoung starting to pack a suitcase, Jaebeom didn’t respond. Even as the last thing Jaebeom would see of him was the way he walked out of the door, he didn’t say a word. Even as the door slammed so hard it echoed through the entire building, Jaebeom didn’t move._

These memories hadn’t been thought of for months, and bringing them back only made Jaebeom realize that he was a coward. For not answering Jinyoung, for not fixing things, for not stopping him when he left. He understood how Jinyoung was still angry at him, and it was understandable that he didn’t want to see his face ever again. But he compared this to their hookup and the way Jinyoung looked at him. It was something new, yet something familiar, and Jaebeom itched to know what it was.

He pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes and sighed, his breath coming out shaky.

Youngjae was right. This wasn’t going to be a good idea. But Jaebeom needed to find out what he and Jinyoung were at this point. He needed to know what that look in his eyes meant. He needed the closure of knowing, and no one was there to stop him as he grabbed his keys.

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos & comments are always appreciated! <3


	2. II. Just stay for the night baby (tell me that you won't leave me)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter title: Love Again by Baekhyun

His nerves caught up to him when he stood outside the door. Somehow, the cold weather and the way it started to rain made this situation even worse as he shivered in the apartment hall. He’d been in this building before, and the smell of the air just reminded him of Jinyoung and how much of a mistake this was probably going to be.

It took him almost ten minutes to finally raise his hand and knock. He was surprised to see his hands shaking slightly, rubbing them on his jeans before crossing his arms nervously. What was he doing? After a moment, he thinks he might have knocked too soft, so he tried once more. By this point, Jaebeom was nervously fixing his hair, tucking it behind his ear before messing it up again and tucking it back. A few more moments passed without a single sound, and Jaebeom closed his eyes and cursed. This was a bad idea; he knew he shouldn’t have come here.

Turning on his heel, his head whipped back when he heard a lock click. The door opened, a wet, brown head of hair popping out. Jaebeom’s throat closed as he noticed the flush on his face. Was he having sex? Jinyoung watched him with wide eyes for a second, looking around to see if anyone was with him before the look left him to raise his eyebrows expectantly, wordlessly asking what Jaebeom wanted.

“Hey.” Jaebeom waved, his eyes struggling to stay on Jinyoung’s as they glanced down to his bathrobe and slippers, obviously interrupted mid-shower. Oh, so maybe he wasn’t having sex. “I need to talk to you.”

At this, Jinyoung’s face fell to one of annoyance as he moved to close the door. “I’m busy.”

Jaebeom, knowing he did not want to leave now that Jinyoung was in front of him, immediately placed his foot in the door to stop him. This made Jinyoung roll his eyes and sigh.

“Jesus, fine. I’m not letting you interrupt my fucking shower,” he muttered, raising his hands defensively as he left the door open and walked away. Jaebeom watched his bare legs walk away to his dark bedroom with yellow light pouring in before it disappeared with the closing of a door.

Jaebeom walked in cautiously, closing the door and looking around. He stood awkwardly, noting the familiar bookcases shoved against the wall that were filled to the brim with books and the same, small dining table that looked untouched. His eyes fell on the couch that had a blanket and a pillow, a stack of papers on the coffee table in front. He walked forward slowly to read what it was. It was a script, an acting script for an upcoming drama. Jaebeom knew this was prohibited since it hasn’t even been announced, but that didn’t stop him from flipping through it for a couple of seconds.

He left it alone, eyeing the half-empty cup of tea next to it before going to Jinyoung’s bedroom. Yes, it was personal, but Jaebeom’s curiosity seemed to like that Jinyoung wasn’t around to catch him snooping. Turning on the light switch, he frowned when he realized it didn’t work. Knowing how these things work and having to come over to Youngjae’s house to fix it, he stretched up to twist the bulb a little bit to the left. With that, he flinched away when bright light poured into the room. He felt satisfied but also a bit amused that Jinyoung hadn’t figured that out nor even bothered to fix it.

Jaebeom was able to look around, seeing the same bed they used to sleep in. It looked neat and untouched, and he realized Jinyoung had been sleeping on the living room couch. He avoided sitting on it, instead heading to the new desk against the wall where he sat down on a chair. There, he noted the several suitcases on the floor, some filled and others half made. Jaebeom sighed as he realized it was probably just from Jinyoung traveling around for acting auditions. No wonder he slept on the couch.

Just then, a voice drifted through the house. Someone was singing, soft and high. It was harmonizing just over a hum, and Jaebeom closed his eyes at the fluttery feeling it made him feel. Jinyoung’s voice sounded real, the muffled melody a song familiar to Jaebeom. It echoed in the bathroom walls to spill into the room, reaching Jaebeom’s ears faintly. The voice was distant, personal. It wasn’t Jaebeom’s to listen to anymore, he realized with an ache. He almost felt bad that he had interrupted Jinyoung’s quiet night alone.

A memory popped into his mind. He was at his own apartment, sitting up in bed one morning. He heard the same voice, now closer to him, and Jinyoung was laying down next to him singing the melody perfectly, and it was meant for Jaebeom’s ears only. But it wasn’t the case here anymore, even as he felt his heart squeeze with nostalgia at the soft memory.

The voice suddenly stopped as a curse and a thud echoed through the bathroom, forcing Jaebeom’s eyes open as he shook the memory from his head. It left a bitter taste in his mouth. How did he end up here suddenly? Ignoring the sudden weight in his chest, he turned back for his eyes to land on a polaroid picture that was sitting on the side of the desk.

Not even glancing around, he took it and gasped when he noticed it was a picture of them. It was dark, obviously old with age, the younger version of himself with his cheek pressed against Jinyoung’s, who’s smile was so wide it looked like it hurt. It was Jaebeom’s photo, taken with one of his old polaroid cameras. He faintly remembered Jinyoung flicking through his photo albums and asking if he could keep that one. Since Jaebeom always wrote the date of the photo, it was taken on Christmas four years ago, he realized with a sad smile. It disappeared when a thought hit him. Why was Jinyoung looking at it now?

Hearing the shower turn off, Jaebeom throws it back to the desk and gets up quickly to sit on the couch in the living room. It’d probably be best if Jinyoung didn’t know Jaebeom was looking around his room. Pretending like he was busy on his phone, he didn’t look up when he heard the door open and soft footsteps on the ground a few moments later.

“How did you fix my light?”

Jaebeom looked up to see Jinyoung in a shirt and pajama pants, a towel hanging on his head from where his hands were on top of it, showing off his bare arms. Trying not to stare, Jaebeom shrugged before replying. “You just had to turn it a few times.”

At that, Jinyoung rolled his eyes before muttering something about Jackson. He walked forward to move the mug and snatch the script off the coffee table before going to the kitchen. It was like he forgot Jaebeom was there until he suddenly looked back at him. “I- thanks. I’ve been meaning to fix it.”

Jaebeom hummed. “Why didn’t you?”

“Busy.” Jinyoung replied, throwing dishes into the dishwasher. Jaebeom pretends he didn’t see Jinyoung hide the script above the fridge, even as the younger suddenly sighed. “If only you could fix my washing machine. I need to go to the laundromat soon.”

“I could try. To fix it, I mean.” Jaebeom said immediately. Really, he doesn’t know what he’s doing at this point. He just wanted to apologize to Jinyoung, but the saint in him just wanted to keep doing favors for him. Maybe Jinyoung won’t hate him that much when he brings up their past.

Jinyoung turned around, leaning against the counter and crossing his arms. He looked hot, towel around his neck and hair still wet, and Jaebeom swallowed at the thought. The younger seemed to think about it, probably a way to say no, but he shrugged at him. “Fine. I’m gonna make ramen.”

Jaebeom didn’t need to ask where to go as he got up to walk past the kitchen to the washing machine. Everything in the apartment was mostly the same. Really, he doesn’t know how Jinyoung couldn’t do this himself, when there were just two incorrectly crossed wires preventing it from turning on. Even then, he pretended to take his time as he would see Jinyoung staring at him from the corner of his eyes.

The younger seemed to snap out of it when a crack of thunder was heard, though. He jumped so hard before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.

“Are you okay?” Jaebeom asked the startled Jinyoung. He only nodded in response, turning around and obviously embarrassed that he’d jumped. After a while, Jaebeom heard Jinyoung moving around the rest of the apartment. Meanwhile, he was already turning on the machine.

At the sound of it, Jinyoung ran past the kitchen to see it with wide eyes. “Wow. You’re amazing. Jackson’s been trying to fix it for weeks.”

Jaebeom couldn’t help but laugh softly, sitting down on the floor in front of the machine as Jinyoung left and came back with a hamper filled with clothes, shoving it in and messing with the settings. Jaebeom watched him quietly, at how personal and weird this was. Jinyoung didn’t seem affected by Jaebeom’s presence all that much, paying no mind to him as he poured in the liquids silently.

When he was done, he took the hamper away and returned a minute later with two bowls of ramen, one for Jaebeom. The older straightened up, bowing when he handed it to him. Really, he wasn’t hungry, but Jinyoung had made this for him, how could he refuse? “Thank you.”

“When did you get piercings?” Jinyoung asked after swallowing a mouthful of noodles, looking at him expectantly where he sat next to him on the floor.

Jaebeom met his eyes, forgetting that Jinyoung wasn’t present when he got the bar in his cheek nor the stud on the side of his nose. “Last year? I was holding off on it since Yugyeom and Bam said it made me look scary, but I did it anyway. That’s probably why they don't visit me anymore.”

“Yugyeom.” Jinyoung said through a small laugh at the thought of the younger before he was staring at Jaebeom’s cheek again with a pleased face. “They suit you.”

Jaebeom shrugged. “Anything I can do to get them away from me, I guess.”

Jinyoung laughed again as they both slurped up their noodles on the floor of Jinyoung’s apartment. After a moment, Jinyoung broke the comfortable silence.

“Don’t tell me you’re not gonna eat the narutomaki.”

“I don’t like it?” Jaebeom admitted, unsure. Jinyoung almost sounded offended as he met eyes with him. He was right when Jinyoung gaped at him, scooting closer to grab at them with his chopsticks and shove them into his mouth.

“You have no taste.”

“Yeah, in food, probably. At least my fashion taste is good, Mr. Hello Kitty pants.”

Jinyoung shoved him with his fist. “I love these pants, thank you very much.”

Jaebeom shoved him back half heartedly with a smile. It was so comfortable that he forgot why he was here for a while.

“Did it hurt?”

“Did what hurt?”

Jinyoung pointed to his own cheek, and Jaebeom reached up a hand to touch the metal balls on his face. “Yeah, a bit. I couldn’t smile for a while since I got it on my cheek. This one didn’t hurt at all, though.” He added, pointing to the stud on the side of his nose.

Jinyoung stared at him in wonder before he seemed to think for a while and asked, “can I touch it?”

Jaebeom hesitated. Jinyoung had touched them before, but he was drunk, so he probably didn’t remember. Either way, Jaebeom fiddled with the chopsticks in his hands before nodding.

The younger leaned forward and pressed his index in the center before running across his cheek. Jaebeom felt himself close his eyes and lean into the touch as the rest of Jinyoung’s fingers made contact with his skin. He didn’t even realize when his hand stopped touching his piercing and instead began stroking his cheek softly.

It struck him hard when he heard a shaky breath in front of him. He opened his eyes to see Jinyoung looking at him with an odd expression. It was a mix of emotions: scared, hopeful, and sad. His stomach sank as a heavy weight of guilt sat in at the thought that he was the cause of those feelings.

Jaebeom felt Jinyoung’s hand come up to tug a strand of hair behind his ear. He brought up his own hand to grab Jinyoung’s wrist softly, and the confidence to lean forward and kiss him grew when Jinyoung glanced down at his lips and back up. Jaebeom’s other hand came up to touch Jinyoung’s jaw, and the younger began closing his eyes before he moved his head down and dropped it on his shoulder instead, leaving Jaebeom staring at the wall with his lips parted.

“Jaebeom,” Jinyoung said softly, his hands trailing up Jaebeom’s arms to end up on the crook of his elbow, warm and soft. His hands were pressing into the skin gently as Jaebeom hummed in response, feeling his body slack a bit and his eyes droop from the comforting touches. It was sudden, but Jaebeom only relaxed. He could pretend everything was okay in his arms. It felt like he was home.

Just then, a phone began vibrating, and while Jaebeom jumped in surprise, Jinyoung stopped his touches as he sighed out heavily before getting up and taking all his warmth with him. Jaebeom watched silently as he grabbed his phone off the table and sat down on a chair.

“Hello?” Jinyoung answered quietly, cringing when Jackson’s voice came out of the receiver loudly. He looked over at Jaebeom for a second before lowering his eyes to the table. Jaebeom was able to faintly hear Jackson’s voice all the way from where he was sitting.

“Jinyoungie, can I come over?”

“No. Why?”

“Please?” Jaebeom could hear the begging in his voice, and he said something else, but it was cut off.

“Seun-ah, you know I’m busy with the scripts.”

“But isn’t today…?”

Jaebeom couldn’t hear the rest but watched as Jinyoung breathed in sharply, glancing up at him before lowering the volume on his phone and looking down at the bowl in front of him.

“Yeah. I’m-I’m still practicing. I’m sorry.” Jinyoung spoke quietly, nodding as he listened to Jackson. “Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow, then?” A pause. “Love you too.”

For a moment, Jinyoung didn’t say anything after he set his phone down. His eyes were trained on the table, and Jaebeom caught the signs of unease on his face. The playful tone he held on the phone was gone, replaced by a steady murmur.

“Why did you come?”

Jaebeom froze. Jinyoung was speaking to him now, and his voice was calm, yet Jaebeom knew something was wrong. The younger’s face was creased as he thought, not looking up at him. Jaebeom was finally going to do what he came here for, and all the feelings he felt a moment ago while sitting in his arms were gone as he felt an icy feeling in his heart that mimicked the weather outside. He licked his lips and spoke quietly. “I felt like we ended things badly.”

Jinyoung didn’t hesitate for a second to respond. “But after two years?”

Jaebeom almost flinched from the way his voice increased in volume. He felt and heard the shaking in Jinyoung’s voice, and he looked up to see an agitated flush climbing up his neck. The older hesitated, and Jinyoung met his eyes. He looked scared, and Jaebeom felt small. “I didn’t know how to find you, and when I saw you at Bam’s, you know how that ended.”

Jinyoung stared silently for a few seconds, and the air was tense as Jaebeom watched a sudden drop form in his eyes to drip down his cheek before being brushed away. His heart sank when Jinyoung buried his face in his hands and sighed with a small sob, pressing his elbows into the table.

“Jinyoung. Don’t- don’t cry. Hey.” Jaebeom panicked, standing up but hesitating to move forward, “I know it was a mistake. It upset me, too, and I just-” his voice was lowered to a whisper, “I shouldn’t have come here. I’m so sorry.”

The last thing he wanted to do was upset Jinyoung, and the sight of him crying made Jaebeom hate himself. With all his plans to talk out the window, he walked forward to cross the kitchen, but Jinyoung grabbed his wrist. Jaebeom looked back to see his eyes on the floor, cheeks red and wet. He was silent for a few seconds, as if he was finding the right words to say.

“I would’ve done the same thing.”

Jaebeom sighed, kneeling down next to him for them to meet eyes, bringing his hand up to cup his face, and he brushed his tears away with his thumb, Jinyoung’s hand still wrapped around his wrist. He spoke softly, “just don’t cry. Please?”

Jinyoung’s lips were out in a pout, and Jaebeom was staring at the pink on his cheeks and the shine of tears on his white skin. The younger was looking back and forth between Jaebeom’s eyes, as if he was looking for something hidden within them. His voice was watery and weak, “I hate you so much.”

“I know.” Jaebeom stated, moving his hand back, and Jinyoung let him go, his hands falling on his knees. Jinyoung looked like he was going to cry again before he sighed frustratedly, leaning forward to collapse on Jaebeom’s shoulder. Jaebeom hesitated for a second before his arms moved to embrace him, his warm hands moving up and down his spine comfortingly. He smelled like soap and strawberry shampoo, and Jaebeom wished everything was okay. He opened his mouth to mumble, “I should leave.”

Jinyoung shook his head awkwardly from where his head was still on his shoulder. “It’s raining hard outside, and it’s late. I don’t want you to drive home like that.”

Jaebeom agreed by nodding his head before Jinyoung let him go and began cleaning the table silently, wiping his nose on a tissue while he was at it. Jaebeom spoke as he got up. “Thanks for the ramen, by the way.”

“Thanks for fixing my shit.” Jinyoung said back, a tiny smile on his lips from where Jaebeom could see the side of his face.

While Jinyoung cleaned up the kitchen and checked on his laundry, Jaebeom went to his room silently to sit on the edge of it. His emotions caught up to him at this point. He was in Jinyoung’s apartment - their old apartment. It smelled like him, and nearly all the furniture was the same. It only reminded Jaebeom of how he shouldn’t be here, and he pulled at his hair anxiously. He really didn’t want to think about what Jinyoung meant when he said ‘I would’ve done the same thing.’ Just then, Jinyoung walked past the room to brush his teeth in the bathroom, not sparing a glance at him. Jaebeom couldn’t see him from where he was at, and he was glad. The temptation to go in there and hug him from behind like they used to do scared him.

He wondered what would’ve happened if he didn’t come here. Jinyoung would’ve had his night spent alone, probably had dinner while reading his scripts, and Jackson would’ve come over. He knows Jinyoung refused his request to arrive since he was here, even if they were talking about something Jaebeom had no idea about. Something about…practicing? He just knew they were meeting up tomorrow for some reason unknown to him. Jaebeom jumped slightly when Jinyoung’s voice came from right next to him.

“What are you thinking about?”

Jaebeom met his eyes, Jinyoung looking at him oddly yet thoughtful. His skin was shiny with skincare as he placed a candle on the bedside table to light it. He knows that Jinyoung always loved to light candles when the weather was bad. The only light in the room came from the yellow glow of the lamp and the single flame right under it. It made Jinyoung’s skin look golden like an angel, and Jaebeom shivered at the thought, even if he could see the lines of exhaustion on his face. The room was filled with a lavender scent within seconds. Watching Jinyoung fix his pillows, Jaebeom spoke up.

“You look tired, Jinyoung.”

“Do I?” He asked, and it’s obvious he didn’t care.

“Why are you always busy?”

Jinyoung sighed, finally sitting down and crossing his legs, leaning against the headboard. “Auditions, script reading, photoshoots. I don’t even sleep on this bed anymore.”

Jaebeom knew that, but he nodded anyway. “And you’re always alone?”

At that, Jinyoung looked away as if he was embarrassed. He stayed silent, playing with the strings on his pyjama pants before he shrugged. “I guess. Why are you asking me these questions?” He added, sounding a bit annoyed.

Jaebeom took in a breath, “I’m sorry. I just- I’m worried about you.”

“How? I’m fine, Jaebeom.”

“It’s obvious you don’t sleep and barely eat, Jinyoung. Don’t they tell you anything?” Jaebeom asked, trying to keep his voice even.

“It’s nothing makeup can’t fix,” Jinyoung replied quickly before he closed his eyes, sighing heavily as his body seemed to sink further into the bed. “I’d like a break, though. At least so I can take some time to relax.”

Jaebeom knew that feeling. He really did. While Jinyoung went out there to act, Jaebeom worked on continuous art projects, having deadlines he worried about for upcoming exhibitions. He knows how it feels like to want a break, even if you’re doing the one thing you love to do. He wondered if Jinyoung still knew that Jaebeom was trying to make it in art. He didn’t say anything, though. Instead, he remembered the one thing that always helped him. “I can help you.”

“Jaebeom, I’m not in the mood for dick.” Jinyoung answered quickly, rolling his eyes as he brought his knees up to his chest and hugged them as if he was hiding himself.

The older immediately shook his head. “No, that’s not what I- what? I can give you a massage.”

“A massage? Since when have you known how to give a fucking massage?”

“Since I was roommates with Youngjae.”

At that, Jinyoung’s eyes returned back to the bed as his brow furrowed in thought. Jaebeom knew he was trying to think of a way to say no again, but was coming up short as he sighed. “If it helps me sleep better, you can try it. But don’t do anything weird.”

He glared at Jaebeom’s nod for a second before turning around to adjust the pillows and lay on his stomach. Jaebeom tried to be gentle when he climbed on top of him, making sure he put most of his weight on his knees to not crush Jinyoung. He slowly ran his hands up and down Jinyoung’s sides, and the younger visibly relaxed as he began putting pressure.

Jaebeom began working his fingers on his upper back, feeling the muscles tense as he undid them. Jinyoung groaned at this movement, cringing away from his fingers. He was balling his hands into fists next to his head, raising his head so that only his forehead was touching the pillow. “Fuck, Jaebeom.”

That sent a tremor down his spine. It was oddly sexual, and Jaebeom was trying not to get hard where he was on top of him. Really, he was here to help Jinyoung relax, without sex. But his dick began to take interest as Jinyoung continued to make noises, his face scrunching up. Jaebeom spread his fingers on Jinyoung’s arms, which felt fuller and stronger than he remembered, kneading the skin gently. Now sober, along with a drastic change in situation, Jaebeom was able to admire his body more, especially how long his hair had gotten and the way his body had finally filled his frame and worked some muscle in.

He began to think Jinyoung had fallen asleep when he fell silent and his breathing slowed, but Jaebeom moved when Jinyoung rolled over to his back, eyes closed and face flushed. It was sudden when Jaebeom’s hand was being grabbed to press against Jinyoung’s crotch, where he felt heat against his half-hard length. Well, there goes his plans to not have sex today. Jaebeom barely hesitated, even surprising Jinyoung when he palmed him, making the younger shiver and bite his shiny lips, his head falling back against the pillow. He was so, so beautiful, and Jaebeom’s heart began to ache.

He whispered, “are you sure?”

Jinyoung nodded, murmuring, “I could feel you get hard, Beom-ah.”

Jaebeom flushed even though Jinyoung couldn’t see him, a bit embarrassed that his efforts to not wake up his dick were all for naught. He grew a bit of confidence when his hand moved to push Jinyoung’s shirt up, exposing a built abdomen and chest that he hadn’t seen before. It made his mouth water as he scooted forward, Jinyoung spreading his legs almost instantly, and Jaebeom easily slid in between them as he pressed a wet kiss right above his belly button.

Jinyoung squirmed, and Jaebeom could feel his breath become unsteady as his hands began to roam, pressing against his nipples and all the spaces where he knew he was sensitive. He made small, pleading noises that gave Jaebeom the confidence to continue, their hips meeting as he leaned forward to connect his lips to his neck, feeling the way Jinyoung swallowed and purred low in his throat. He stayed to leave a mark before he was trailing down again, glancing at the boy, who’s eyes were closed and pink mouth open, his lips red and bitten. Jaebeom hooked his fingers under the waistband of both his pajama pants and boxers, sliding them off easily as Jinyoung raised his hips. At this, Jinyoung was looking down at him, legs spread and hard dick against his stomach, wet and red. Jaebeom took his time, though, first caressing the skin of his thighs while pressing his lips against them and sucking marks. Jinyoung’s hands came down to Jaebeom’s, resting on top of them before Jaebeom was linking their fingers together. It was oddly romantic, and Jaebeom felt the shiver that went through Jinyoung when he squeezed his hands.

The room was beginning to heat up when Jaebeom finally came up to breathe over Jinyoung’s erection, and the younger gasped as his dick twitched excitedly. Jaebeom kissed the head briefly, taking his hand away from Jinyoung’s grip to grasp the bottom of his dick. He ran his tongue across the wet tip, and Jinyoung groaned, his head thrown back as he extended his leg across the bed. Suddenly, Jaebeom leaned forward in one motion to deep throat him entirely, and Jinyoung jerked his hips up, letting out a high whine as Jaebeom choked around him and pulled away.

“Fuck,” Jinyoung panted, “you’re insane.”

At that, Jaebeom just smirked, pressing another kiss below his belly button before going back to sucking his dick, taking his time in swirling his tongue and using his hand to pump him gently. It was just the way he knew made Jinyoung shake, and he felt a warm feeling in his chest as he drew more noises out of him. He was properly sucking him off, obscene noises filling the space above Jinyoung’s high moans and pleads. Jaebeom’s jaw began to hurt after a while, his lips dribbling with spit from how much effort he was putting in, and it only took one last deep throat for Jinyoung to announce that he was coming.

“Oh, shit-” he squealed, his legs coming up to trap Jaebeom’s head against his cock. “Oh my god,” he shouted when Jaebeom swallowed before shuddering with the force of his orgasm. Jaebeom stayed pressed against his skin even though his throat and jaw ached, breathing in Jinyoung’s scent of clean soap mixed with sweat. His eyes closed, feeling reflex tears form at the corner of his eyes when Jinyoung’s hips moved his cock impossibly deeper as he came hard, hot liquid steadily pumping down his throat. He pulled out slightly for the last few jerks to end up on his tongue, swirling it around the head before Jinyoung huffed and pushed his head away from the oversensitivity.

Jaebeom pressed kisses along his stomach to his chest, nibbling on his jaw before meeting his lips, and he could feel Jinyoung’s heavy breaths against his as they kissed hard, wet tongues meeting in a mix of saliva and the taste of Jinyoung’s come. It was different compared to their last encounter, more passionate, desperate, meaningful, and Jaebeom felt a weight leave his shoulders. They were sober. He felt Jinyoung relax at his touches, the younger starting to burn up against the cold sheets. Jinyoung pulled away, humming as Jaebeom continued to kiss his face.

“I want to taste you,” he breathed, snaking a hand down to grab Jaebeom through his jeans. The older shuddered at the contact, bucking into his palm. He moved back to cup Jinyoung’s jaw, his fingertips on his sweaty hair and his thumb on his shiny, pink lips.

“How do you want me?” Jaebeom asked, not even bothering to clear his throat as his voice came out hoarse and deep.

“Inside,” Jinyoung mumbled, and the look on his eyes was dark. “Please.”

“Are you sure?” Jaebeom asked again, and Jinyoung was getting annoyed at him asking this every time they were about to do something, groaning and spreading his legs. Jaebeom got the message, giving him a sweet kiss before he leaned back to sit up and dig through Jinyoung’s drawer. There, he pushed away a few sex toys to find a half-empty box of condoms along with a mostly full bottle of lube. Jaebeom immediately felt a surge of jealousy hit him at the thought of Jinyoung having sex with anyone but him. He couldn’t really do anything against it, though; Jinyoung had the right to do what he wanted without Jaebeom bothering him for two years, but it still left a feeling deep in his stomach.

He came back to see Jinyoung with an arm draped over his eyes, his mouth open in a pant. Jaebeom trailed his fingers along the skin of his arm, and Jinyoung threw it down. They met eyes, and Jaebeom looked into them, brown and hazy. They were half-lidded, framed by the pink flush on his face.

“Hey,” Jaebeom said when Jinyoung’s eyes didn’t seem to focus on his enough, his hand returning to his cheek. “Are you okay?”

Jinyoung didn’t answer him as he let out a heavy breath, his eyes blinking hard once, twice, trying to focus on Jaebeom. The older brought up his other hand to smooth his still damp hair back, exposing his forehead and more of the flush.

“Jinyoung.” Jaebeom said more firmly, and his eyes finally focused on him. Jinyoung moved after a second, bringing his arms up to wrap around his shoulders and pulled him closer so their breaths met in the space between them. Jaebeom’s voice was small suddenly when he mumbled, “Jinyoung-ah.”

Jinyoung finally hummed, and the look on his face was soft and calm. Jaebeom swore he could see the familiar look of love in his eyes when they would exchange I love you’s in the past. There were so many things Jaebeom wanted to tell him. He wanted to scream at him and love him and apologize all at once, but his tongue felt heavy at the way Jinyoung was looking at him.

“Jinyoung,” he repeated, this time in a whisper, and Jinyoung stared at him, waiting. “I just--I’m really--”

Jinyoung stopped him as he reached a hand up to press against his lips. His eyes closed, casting a shadow above his cheeks. He was breathtaking, and Jaebeom felt a weight of guilt at the thought of breaking his heart.

_Sorry._

“I know, Jaebeom-ah. I know. Just--please. Have sex with me right now.” Jinyoung said softly, moving his hand away to press his lips against Jaebeom’s. Jaebeom almost wanted to cry.

He took his time since he didn’t want to lose Jinyoung in a haze again, moving to slip on a condom and slick himself up. Leaning forward, Jinyoung’s hands were gentle on his back as his legs came up to wrap around his waist. Jaebeom pushed in after a moment, his eyes rolling back into his head at the feeling of Jinyoung squeezing around him. “Oh, fuck.”

“That’s good, baby. That’s good.” Jinyoung mumbled, throwing his head back into the pillow as Jaebeom settled inside him and began moving already to get Jinyoung used to the stretch. The younger moaned loudly, his hand shifting to grab his long hair between his fingers. “God, Jaebeom.”

Jaebeom started slowly, his forearms beside Jinyoung’s head as his head was buried in his neck. He could feel Jinyoung’s shivers with every thrust he gave forward, eventually resting his hand behind his head to avoid slamming it into the headboard. Jinyoung groaned, leaning back, and Jaebeom did the same, meeting his eyes again.

“Did I ever tell you,” Jinyoung began through heavy breaths, adjusting his head as he smirked and bit his lip, “I have a thing for your long hair?”

Jaebeom laughed breathily, bringing his hand up to brush his hair back from where it came down. Jinyoung moved his hips closer, whining high in his throat when Jaebeom hit the angle right. “Right there, right there.”

Jaebeom nodded, letting out rough exhales as his arms began to shake from holding himself up. “Jinyoung, Jinyoung,” he whispered where he had pressed his cheek against the younger’s.

“I’m here,” Jinyoung hummed, one of his hands coming down to scratch at his lower back, and Jaebeom jerked forward suddenly with a gasp. “I’m here, baby.”

Jinyoung’s voice sent shudders down Jaebeom’s spine, even though it messed with his emotions. He tried to push them back, but the more Jinyoung spoke and vibrated against him, the more he became overwhelmed. It wasn’t long before his throat closed, letting out a sound similar to a sob as Jinyoung pressed against him, holding him closer.

Jaebeom moved back just to kiss him, and Jinyoung met his lips immediately, their mouths wet with saliva. He swallowed down Jinyoung’s soft noises and pants as he continued to thrust, the voices in the room increasing in volume as the headboard thudded against the wall. A drop of sweat fell down Jaebeom’s temple as his jaw clenched when Jinyoung bit his lip roughly.

Jinyoung didn’t announce he was coming as he clenched hard, throwing his head back so hard against the pillow as he shouted, his hips jerking as he squeezed around Jaebeom. The older leaned back in surprise, stopping slightly as Jinyoung came untouched, admiring the way his eyes squeezed shut and mouth fell wide open before he was shaking against him.

Jinyoung went limp, breathing loud and heavy before he blinked up at Jaebeom, scratching his back with his nails and moving his hips to let him continue. His eyes were hazy again, but Jaebeom was so close he allowed himself to lose it. He took a deep breath, and it only took a few more hard thrusts inside him for him to feel the tug in his stomach, pulling out and slipping off the condom to pump himself on Jinyoung’s stomach.

He came hard, letting out noises he should be embarrassed by as he bit his lip and released, blood thumping in his ears as his eyes closed tightly. He faintly felt Jinyoung’s hands on his wrists before he had to place a hand down on the bed to avoid falling directly on him. He couldn’t hold himself up, collapsing next to Jinyoung on his side, breath heavy and audible. Jinyoung was still holding his wrists, and he opened his eyes to see the younger move his hand to collect the come on his stomach before bringing it up into his mouth.

Jaebeom sighed, feeling Jinyoung’s hot tongue lick up the liquid on his fingers silently. When he swallowed it down, he kissed the digits one by one. Jaebeom moved his hand, sliding across his swollen lips and on his soft, still pink cheeks. Jinyoung turned his head and met his eyes; they were wide and pleased as his lips tugged up into a smile.

“I don’t remember the last time I came a second time during sex,” Jinyoung admitted, his voice soft above a whisper, as if he was telling him a secret. Jaebeom smiled with him, feeling his teeth bare with it. He was floating right now, not caring enough to hide his mouth behind his hand.

“Do you feel better?” Jaebeom asked, fingers now stroking his jawline. Jinyoung closed his eyes and nodded. They stayed like this for a while as they caught their breaths, the rushes from earlier now settling into pleased and content feelings. Jaebeom almost drifted to sleep before Jinyoung leaned forward to touch his arms warmly, slowly moving his hands up and down. He opened his eyes at the thought of Jinyoung, though, since he was still laying there with come and saliva on his stomach. Jinyoung had a soft smile, staring at him with small, crinkled eyes. The light from the still-lit candle reflected off of his sweaty skin, and Jaebeom stayed a second to admire his beauty.

Right as he got up to stretch, Jinyoung brought a hand out to stop him from getting up. He looked at him through his eyelashes before speaking quietly. “Don’t leave.”

Jaebeom’s breath left him suddenly as he nodded. “I’ll clean us both up.” Jinyoung let him go as he settled himself into the sheets once more. “Do you want to shower again?”

Jinyoung frowned, looking down at himself before shaking his head. “I don’t think I can move my legs.”

Jaebeom felt a weird sense of pride knowing that he’d caused that before slipping his shirt and underwear back on to grab tissues from the bathroom and clean the stains on Jinyoung’s torso. Jinyoung didn’t move when he rolled around, his eyes silently watching him. Jaebeom helped him put his clothes back on before he laid back down, the younger immediately putting his head on his arm and grabbing his arms to wrap them around him. He hummed and sighed comfortably as Jaebeom adjusted to run his hands through his hair. It was super intimate, and Jaebeom almost believed everything was okay. Almost.

“Jaebeom.” Jinyoung said after a few moments, his tone low from where he was laying down, relaxed.

“Hm?” Jaebeom hummed, his nails gently scratching his scalp the way he knew Jinyoung liked.

“I’m leaving tomorrow.”

Jaebeom stopped. He didn’t react right away until the words sank in, making his heart clench. The after shocks of sex faded almost instantly. Jinyoung caught his reaction as he sat up, trying to meet his eyes. Jaebeom’s eyes couldn’t focus as thoughts filled with dread ran across his head. “What? Where?”

Jinyoung sighed, looking down at the bed and rubbing his hand across the back of his neck. “New Zealand? It’s--it’s for an acting opportunity. They asked me to go.”

“Why did you say yes?”

Something about Jaebeom’s tone made Jinyoung’s eye twitch, and Jaebeom caught it as a sign of annoyance.

“What, you want me to say no? Just because you came back after years?” Jinyoung said quietly, sounding a bit defeated. His words should’ve been said with a raised voice, but he seemed reluctant to start an argument now. Jaebeom could still see the way he tensed.

“No, that’s not--that’s not what I meant.” Jaebeom apologized quickly, moving his eyes away. He saw Jinyoung relax in front of him as he accepted his apology. He cleared his throat. “Do the guys know?”

“Yes,” Jinyoung replied, his voice quiet again, “but they haven’t mentioned it recently since they don’t want me to leave.”

Jaebeom felt his heart sink. So Youngjae knew? Even after he spilled out his emotions to him a few days ago. Maybe that’s why he told Jaebeom it was a bad idea to come here. He’d just get his heart broken after realizing he was probably, most likely, still in love with Jinyoung. He just didn’t want to admit that he was yet. Youngjae was so much smarter than him at figuring out his feelings. He stayed quiet, feeling Jinyoung’s eyes on him.

“I’m sorry we have to leave things like this. I feel like there’s so much shit between us.” Jinyoung said gently.

“Yeah,” Jaebeom’s voice came out weak in a whisper, his throat closing once more as he moved his hair out of his face and sighed shakily. He felt anxious for suddenly finding this out, after he wanted to come back and repair things with Jinyoung. It was impossible now. He couldn’t stop the shaking in his voice when he added, “I’m so sorry, Jinyoung-ah.”

Jinyoung shook his head immediately, pushing Jaebeom back against the headboard to lay on his chest again. Jaebeom thought he could probably feel how hard his heart was beating against his chest from the sudden information. It sank even deeper when Jinyoung said quietly, his voice a bit muffled by his shirt, “I have as much of the blame as you do.”

The older didn’t reply, staring at the room in front of him where he could see the several suitcases he had paid little mind to when he arrived. He felt powerless.

“Jaebeom,” Jinyoung whispered, looking up to meet his gaze. Jaebeom saw his eyes were wide and honest. “I really did miss you.”

The younger didn’t wait for a response as he settled himself down again, pulling the blankets around him warmly with a soft sniffle that told Jaebeom he was holding his tears back. He felt the exact same way, his shaking hand running up and down Jinyoung’s back just to feel the boy against him.

“I missed you too,” Jaebeom replied after a moment, but Jinyoung was already asleep in his arms.

He felt tears stinging in his eyes at how unfair it was. He almost wanted to text Youngjae angry messages for not telling him that Jinyoung only had a couple of days left in Korea before he was leaving, probably for a few years. It was always something they used to talk about when they were together, about Jinyoung’s future acting career, but Jaebeom wasn’t a part of it anymore. He wasn’t a part of Jinyoung’s life anymore, even if he really wanted to be. And now, the fact that Jinyoung just had sex with him and announced that he was leaving should have made Jaebeom excited and proud, but why did he feel the exact opposite?

There was still something missing. Jaebeom hadn’t been able to properly apologize to him since Jinyoung kept interrupting his efforts to. Did that mean Jinyoung felt past all this and wanted to forget about it? Did he know how Jaebeom felt? Or did he just not want to confront it because he still hated him? Either way, Jaebeom was scared. He couldn’t tell Jinyoung now, and probably ever. He wasn’t going to see Jinyoung for a long time, and he shouldn’t have cared, especially since he hadn’t seen him and barely thought about him in two years. He shouldn’t have cared, but it was happening, and Jaebeom wished he could have done something sooner.

A vibration on the bedside table startled him, and he quickly grabbed it as Jinyoung stirred in his sleep with a soft mumble. Jaebeom didn’t realize he had been crying until he was rubbing at his eyes from the brightness coming from the screen. He ignored his tears and opened up his messages.

_Hello? Hyung??????????????? I’m outside._

_Where are you? Did you go talk to Jinyoung hyung?_

_Please come. It’s cold outside._

_Hyung!!!_

Jaebeom felt a wave of panic. He forgot Youngjae had told him he was showing up at his house earlier. And he had his car, so Youngjae was probably standing outside alone on his doorstep. He sighed as he glanced at the sleeping boy on him. He felt comfortable, and he could’ve stayed over, but he didn’t want to wake up in Jinyoung’s bed knowing that he was going to leave that same afternoon. It would’ve been too painful, and, either way, he wasn’t going to let Youngjae freeze to death outside.

Guiltily, Jaebeom slid out of the bed, thankfully not disturbing Jinyoung much as he settled into his pillow comfortably. He walked silently over to Jinyoung’s closet, grabbing a warm blanket to drape it over the boy to make sure he didn’t wake up cold with Jaebeom’s sudden absence. He felt like leaving a note somewhere, but he was running out of time, and it would be hard for him to find the words he wanted to say since he couldn’t sort it out in his head.

Jaebeom still allowed himself a minute to shut off the light and burn out the candle between his fingers, bending down next to the boy’s sleeping face. He was breathing softly, his body relaxed and peaceful. The exhaustion was evident in his face, dark shadows underneath his eyes that reminded Jaebeom of when he said he hadn’t slept well in a while. Jaebeom only admired him silently, brushing his hair back and pressing a kiss to his temple. He was so proud at how far Jinyoung had gotten in his life, and his heart hurt at the thought that he hadn't been, and wouldn’t be, a part of it.

The ride home was hard. He knew Jinyoung wouldn’t have let him go to his house this late, but his friend was shivering on his doorstep. It wasn’t raining at least, but the small tears in his eyes were enough to blur his vision, making the window blurry as if it was.

He was glad his studio apartment was only a few blocks away, his eyes falling on a boy standing on his porch steps holding a convenience store bag while he looked down at the white dog leaning on his legs. He was visibly shivering, rubbing his hands up and down his sides as he exhaled a visible breath. When he heard the car park and the door open, he opened his mouth to yell at him angrily, but Jaebeom didn’t even look at him as he collapsed in his arms.

He let out a heavy breath that almost sounded like a sob, his head dropping on his shoulder as his arms wrapped around the younger’s torso to tug him closer. Youngjae’s breath stuttered, almost tripping as he moved a hand up to pat his back gently. “Hyung--”

“I’m sorry, Youngjae-yah,” he said, failing to hide the weakness in his voice as it shook, and he couldn’t figure out what to say as thoughts of Jinyoung wouldn’t leave his mind. “I just--I went to--”

Youngjae shushed him, realizing how hard it was for him to talk. He let Jaebeom fall against him, even if he had to stumble back a couple of steps.

“I’d love to listen to your ranting, Jaebeom hyung, but can we not freeze to death outside?”

-

Within 10 minutes, Jaebeom had pushed Youngjae into his house, almost forgetting to let Coco in until they heard her barking. He turned the heater all the way up to stop Youngjae’s freezing, and Jaebeom was laying in his lap after eating half of the brand new mint chocolate ice cream Youngjae got him.

“You’re an angel, Youngjae. Seriously.” Jaebeom had said when he opened it up and took the first bite. The younger only rolled his eyes and sat down on the couch with Coco curled up next to him. He didn’t understand his love for eating ice cream during winter.

But it only managed to distract Jaebeom for a few minutes before he fell silent again, a deep pain in his heart from where he was trying to figure out what to do. Jinyoung was leaving. His ex-boyfriend was leaving. He shouldn’t care that much, but he does. Thinking more about the way Jinyoung was acting mid-sex, Jaebeom doesn’t think he could let him go. No one has had an impact that fierce in his life as Jinyoung had, and the memories were still there. His memories and true feelings stayed locked up in his cold heart for months, only to be thawed by a soft pair of brown eyes and pink, plush lips against his. They were there when Jaebeom stood in the broken pieces of their furniture after Jinyoung slammed out of the room. They were there when he slept around for months, trying to see if he could fall in love with anyone the way he did with Park Jinyoung. And they were there when he slept with him and kissed him deep.

He didn’t say anything, though. Youngjae only hummed a comforting song and patted his back gently, shooing Coco away when she tried to bite Jaebeom’s fingers. He only stayed there to listen to Jaebeom if he needed anything, even if he didn’t know what happened. It took almost ten minutes of silence for him to finally speak through a croaked voice.

“You knew he was leaving and didn’t say anything?”

Youngjae jumped slightly, his fingers stopping. He was quiet for a moment as he thought of a response. “I didn’t think you cared,” he admitted, and Jaebeom’s eyes flew open. “Besides, Jackson and the rest hate bringing it up.”

Jaebeom huffed, falling limp against him once more as he closed his eyes. At least Youngjae finally figured out where he was for the past hour. Jaebeom explained what happened, from where he walked into the room and picked up the photo, to where they ate ramen together after fixing his washing machine, to where they had sex and Jaebeom left. Youngjae didn’t feel bad that he’d disturbed Jaebeom at his house. If anything, he was glad Jaebeom had come back before he messed things up further. Because Jinyoung was obviously still hurting, and Jaebeom’s attempts didn’t seem like enough as he always tended to spark up arguments.

Youngjae listened to him talk for almost ten minutes, patient when Jaebeom had to take breaths or struggled to find the right words. When he didn’t speak for a while, Youngjae asked the only question he had.

“Do you still love him?”

Jaebeom felt his entire body shake at the question. His eyes shut tighter as he pressed his palms against his them hard and sighed. He still couldn’t figure it out. He’d loved Jinyoung in the past, so much it was unhealthy. But it’d been two years, and he didn’t know if he felt the same anymore. He knew he missed him, and the sex only added to his confusion. His voice was unsteady when he responded. “I don’t know.”

“That’s not a no.” Youngjae said thoughtfully, and Jaebeom barely nodded. He had a feeling Youngjae knew how he truly felt after listening to what happened, but the younger seemed to want Jaebeom to figure it out on his own. It made him a bit annoyed, but he understood why.

They fell into silence again as the rain started up to mimic Jaebeom’s internal feelings. At this point, he wanted to scream and cry in hopes of trying to figure out what he felt.

“Hyung, how did you guys even…break up?” Youngjae asked quietly.

Jaebeom forgot that he didn’t know. When they split up, the guys found out only because both of them would stay holed up in their apartments, angry and upset at each other. Jaebeom tended to lash out at anyone who brought up Jinyoung’s name, and Jinyoung cried whenever anyone mentioned his. It was only after they got over it a few weeks later where the guys just pretended everything was fine again, not bothering to ask any more questions.

“You know how I can be. I was a selfish asshole and never paid any attention to him when I got caught up in work. And when I did, it wasn’t the good kind. I still…” Jaebeom’s voice slowed as he finally spoke of that day. “I still remember when he left. I just stood there.” He admitted, voice steady and factual. He sat up on his elbows, looking at Youngjae. “Did you hear me? I just stood there. I didn’t stop him from leaving.”

Youngjae stared back with a frown, thinking of what Jaebeom just told him. “So what are you going to do?”

“What _can_ I do? I just realized I might still have feelings for him, and he’s leaving tomorrow.” He laid back down again, throwing his arm over the couch and moving his fingers away when Coco sniffed at them. “I wish I could just figure this out.”

“Does he hate you?” Youngjae asked simply.

Jaebeom thought. He’d been asking himself the same question ever since he was standing outside his door. It seemed like he didn’t, from the way he’d let Jaebeom stay over instead of yelling at him to get out. On top of that, he had sex with him, completely sober. If it didn’t mean anything, Jaebeom didn’t want to know if he was being used. At the same time, Jinyoung had told him he hated him, but he’d embraced him right after. He admitted that he missed Jaebeom when they were laying in bed together, but it could’ve just been the after effects of good sex. And Jinyoung was drunk when they first hooked up, so Jaebeom really, honestly, didn’t know. He could try to convince himself that Jinyoung still felt something towards him based on how he’d reacted to his touches, how he’d stared at him with an emotion Jaebeom couldn’t decipher, but he didn’t want to give himself false hope. Fuck Jinyoung for being such a good actor and hiding his true feelings. Before he could respond, Youngjae suggested something.

“You could try to say bye to him at the airport.”

“It’s too late. I’m not good at goodbyes, either. It’ll be pointless.” Jaebeom immediately responded, not exactly liking that option.

“Okay, hyung. Whatever you’re comfortable with. I just really feel like you should talk to him. I know Jinyoung. He’s hard to read, and he’s probably not telling you everything,” Youngjae said simply, and it made something in Jaebeom’s stomach shift. If anything, Jaebeom knew that about Jinyoung more than anyone. It made his head hurt suddenly, but he brushed it away.

He sighed, giving up on his emotions. They’re stupid, and his brain isn’t working right now. “I’ll figure out in the morning. I just need to sleep now. You know, the sex was so good that it tired me out-”

“Hyung!”

Jaebeom felt a smile creep up on his face as he teased his best friend. Youngjae patted his hair softly, scrunching his nose up when he felt it a bit crusty. “You need a shower.”

Jaebeom rolled his eyes as they fell into a comfortable silence once more, and he felt himself drift off quietly. Right before he fell asleep, he mumbled, “Youngjae?”

The younger hummed.

“I’m sorry for always pouring my heart out to you.”

“It’s okay, hyung.”

“Youngjae?”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

“Okay.”

“Say it back.”

He sighed, exhausted, “I love you too, hyung.”

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor youngjae lol
> 
> if you're wondering what song jinyoung was singing, just imagine it's The Day from the Verse 2 album (my absolute favorite album to exist)
> 
> kudos & comments are always appreciated! <3
> 
> i'll update soon with the last part~
> 
> EDIT: just heard news about Got7 leaving JYPE. everyone, please continue to support the sevens! this is only a new beginning for them :)


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